“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize that I should have been more specific.”

– Lily Tomlin

One way of envisioning the journey of Life is as a process of narrowing things down from an overwhelming infinitude to a something a lot more manageable. We go from “anything and everything” to “I choose this.” From “the world is my oyster” to “I’ll have the linguini with clam sauce.” From “the sky’s the limit” to “here’s my budget.” It’s the practical part of self-actualization.

Getting to know ourselves, we become more specific. We’re more certain about what we like and don’t like, what’s nourishing and what’s depleting, what we’re willing and unwilling to do.

The upside is that this feels like clarity, purpose, meaning, and authenticity. It’s grounded, sure-footed, and confident. Most of the time, for me, it’s a tremendous relief, knowing who I am. Maturity means not having to figure out the world and figure myself out from scratch every minute.

The trade-off or pitfall on this particular path of self-discovery — deciding who we are and what we’re here for — is that it tends to make it seem as if other paths are no longer available to us. Other ways of being, other careers, other relationships, other lives. Especially if we’re good at taking responsibility for our choices, then our commitments to this along the way probably mean more and more not-that. Everything we haven’t chosen, every road we didn’t take… It all seems less and less likely, if not utterly impossible. Everything else. And that sometimes leaves me a little wistful. If I’m not careful, it can start to feel like dissatisfaction and regret.

What if, however, we could have this cake and eat it too? Have our identity, as solid and sure and true as we like. And really enjoy it not as a trade-off but as an ever-expansive opportunity.

Maybe our individuation and self-understanding can mean not just narrowing down, but also at the same time, broadening out and including more.  Distilling ourselves into the unique miracle that each of us is — AND — awakening to the fact that at our most fundamental, essential level we still, always, contain infinite possibility.  

It’s a paradox: the more we become explicitly, specifically ourselves, the more completely we’re able to embody the universal expanse of Everything. The more me I am, the more you you are, and the more us we are together.

I can’t wait to be with you this Sunday, May 18. With special musical guest, Isaac Aragón. XO, Drew

©2025 Drew Groves