POINT OF PRIDE

Several years ago, I wrote an affirmation to share on a Sunday morning. It’s still one of my favorites:

Yes, as a matter of fact, I am God’s gift to the world.
And so are we all.

I don’t remember what, if anything, prompted this. It reads like a retort, as if someone had tried to take me down a peg. I doubt that was actually the case; I don’t think it was written to anyone in particular. It is, nevertheless, defiant and assertive. It’s proud.

The first sentence on its own would be obnoxious. (Wow, confident much?) But the second sentence smooths it out. Both parts are essential.

Hell yeah, I’m a gift. I’m a treasure, a blooming miracle. And that includes all that I am — the practiced and polished parts as well as my rough edges and broken bits. Everything that I’ve done — my achievements and successes, and also my face-plants and failures. Through it all, I deserve love, respect, and freedom. I deserve opportunities to exercise my gifts, talents, and passions, and to know that my contributions matter. I have the unalienable Right to Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

So do we all. I hold this to be self-evident — that we’re created equal. You are a treasure, a blooming miracle. Including all that you are — the practiced and polished parts, as well as your rough edges and broken bits. Everything you’ve done — your achievements and also your face-plants. You deserve love, respect, and freedom, no matter what. You deserve opportunities to exercise your gifts, talents, and passions, and to know that your contributions matter. You have the unalienable Right to Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

If I were to apply the first sentence of my affirmation only to myself, or to people I like, or to those who agree with me, that would be arrogant, dangerously so. But if it’s for all of us, for me and for all of us… Well, then, that’s a declaration of independence and interdependence. Interconnected goodness, the wholeness of every one of us.

Life can be very hard. Too often it feels like an uphill battle just to keep believing in ourselves. And it’s easy to overlook and take for granted everything we’ve overcome and accomplished just to get this far.

So be friggin’ proud, for heaven’s sake!

Pride is a fairly loaded concept. I’m not even talking about LGBTIQ+ pride yet. Just plain-old self-regard — people get so weird about it.

The book of Proverbs cautions us that pride goes before a fall — if you are too full of yourself, too self-assured, well, you’d best buckle up, because for sure you’re going to suffer for it. There are a ton of quotes against it, from both religious and secular sources. Most of the tragic heroes of Greek myth embodied the fatal flaw of “hubris;” blinded by excessive pride. Being proud often is equated with vanity, self-importance, and narcissism.

And we’ve all internalized these warnings to some degree. So when we see others as proud —“too” proud — it can be hard not to want to see their balloon get popped, to root for their defeat, watch that smug smile get wiped off their face.

Likewise, this sense that pride is a deadly sin gets turned inward, on ourselves. Practically everyone I know wrestles with “imposter syndrome” — the secret fear that if people truly knew us, they’d see that deep inside we suck. We may look like we’ve got it going on, rocking and rolling, but honestly we’re total phonies. We’re not really worthy. We don’t really deserve to be happy.

Thus, pride and shame are terribly tangled up together.

We want others to feel proud of us, but perversely think that it’s conceited to be proud of ourselves. We want others to be proud of us, but we’ve been conditioned to think of pride as an ugly thing. Or maybe it’s okay in tiny doses, but only if we’re usually not. So whatever others might feel or think, we still end up in this weirdly self-imposed push-pull humiliation.

Humiliation, which comes from the same root as humility, but which carries a very different tone. To be humiliated is to be brought low. Humble simply means grounded.

The second part of my affirmation is, to me, very humble. Definitely not because it brings anybody down, but because it lifts us all up equally. It’s grounded in equality and connection. Pride and humility don’t have to be opposites. Pride is only a problem when it separates us from each other by elevating one over the other. Humility is recognizing that as awesome as I am, so are you. And then both of us, all of us, participating together in something awesome that includes us all — yowza!

I don’t think that I really need to spell this out for anyone who reads my blog or listens to my sermons, but it’s worth saying anyway: the reason LGBTIQ+ parades happen is because it is especially important to practice and affirm pride when equality has been challenged, when respect has been denied, and when rights have been violated.

The point of Pride — this month and always — is connection, equality, and mutual respect. For each other and for ourselves. Yes, as a matter of fact, we are God’s gifts to the world.

Happy Pride, Everyone! XO, Drew