I can’t do the talk that I thought I was going to do this week.…
A dream that I had about 5 years ago came back this week, at least part of it, the idea of it. There might have been a few differences, but I woke up with this same phrase in my head — “pretty good gravity.”
I remembered writing about it when I first had the dream, so I dug through my old stuff and found what I had written and when. It was about six weeks after my mother’s death. In the dream, she and I were sitting at the kitchen table in the house in which I grew up. Mom said, “I hope you’ll keep visiting me.” I replied, “Oh, Mama, it’s easy now, we can visit each other any time!” She said, “Yes, that’s right. You’ve got pretty good gravity here.”
The idea still grabs me — enough to stir up the dream again. In the recent iteration, it may have been Dad who said it, and I think we might have been in his garden… I’m not sure. I don’t know completely what it means, but it feels profoundly true somehow.
We do have pretty good gravity here.
Here in the physical universe, in fact, we’ve got precisely the right amount. With any less gravity, matter wouldn’t have been able hold itself together; all our subatomic particles would have dissipated out into infinite space. Any more gravity than we’ve got, and planets and solar systems and galaxies would have collapsed back into themselves. We’re dense enough but not too dense.
We are substantive, but still able to move and expand, to leap and sometimes fly.
Lately, as I’ve been thinking about and talking about my role as minister during stay-at-home physical distancing, I’ve often said things like, “I’m just hoping to hold some center of gravity for our community, to keep us connected even as our orbits seem farther out…” So I’ve had this notion, maintaining a center of gravity, in my head a lot, which is probably the main reason why the dream recurred.
Then again, maybe it was a visitation. I like the thought that I can visit with Mom and Dad, at least in dreams, taking advantage of this pretty good gravity to connect and exchange ideas and maybe create something new. Who knows? Either way, it ended up being a reminder for me to allow gravity to do its thing — to trust it. It is pretty good.
It’s pretty good how we embody the mind-blowing vastness of space, yet the beautiful intricacy of all of it is inextricable connection.
It’s pretty good that the seemingly oppositional forces and impulses of all matter and energy and life can find a natural rhythm and harmonious interplay if we let them — centrifugal and centripetal motion, outward extension and inward grounding, possibility and actuality, poise and abandon…
Too, I’m considering not just physical reality, but also emotional and mental and spiritual gravity and space — how heavily or lightly we hold all that. How attraction and opposition, drawing together and spinning apart, are happening in our hearts and minds as well as in our material world.
Time and space are doing weird things now. They’re feeling less familiar and reliable, anyway. Most days, I can’t tell if the clock is fast or slow, if I’m busy or not, if I’m rushed or plodding. Both, I think. I can’t tell if I’m feeling cluttered or empty, crushed under the weight of everything or drifting untethered into my own private la-la land. Again, both.
Maybe it’s a gravitational adjustment…
Centripetal and centrifugal forces having their way with us…
Expanding into possibilities we couldn’t see before, so that when we do actualize and choose what to create going forward, we’ll have a broader perspective on it all…
© 2020 Drew Groves